This is my third post of the day.....I only intended one but here we are.
A little different this time, I'd like to share something that could be tragic but currently has become hilarious at least to me. So yay, bonus blog post.....ironically free.....my thoughts offered to anyone who wants to read them. What a bargain. Interestingly, I'm not in any way depressed but just stating what has happened and how I feel about it. Maybe someone else who has gone through long term unemployment could relate......no one I know who is employed knows what this is like hence my desire to share.
After writing and posting my 2nd post of the day, I attempted to send an update to my wonderful subscribers but unfortunately May is a long month and my website platform only allows me to send a limited number of subscription emails per month and I've run out (because the platform counted two false emails last week when their site was down) so my next update email has to wait till early June. I was hoping in my update email to alert people to my new online shop because I'd love to make a sale because I'm dirt poor.....funny isn't it....not allowed to email subscribers about new shop which could help me earn money because I can't afford to upgrade and because they count failed emails as used up emails. Sigh.
Earlier last week, I was rejected from a job I really wanted that I was well suited for too.....being an artist! Do you want to know the reason I was rejected? It was because the interviewer felt that I was nervous......so I was rejected because of appearing nervous. My abilities were perfectly matched to the position but they rejected me for something that had nothing to do with the job itself......and let me point out that shortly before interviewing with them, I'd just climbed four flights of stairs to reach the room so what they perceived as nervousness was actually what I look like after climbing four flights of stairs in a hurry.
A few months ago, I applied to a model making shop here in London because I'm a model maker and know the material really well and thought I'd be a great match which again I was.......but after a trial day in which I did everything that was asked of me, I was told that the reason they were not hiring me was because I was too interested in the job.........most model makers are interested in model making shops. I thought the point of the job was to have an interest in the products and what they do.
A short while ago, I interviewed with the National Theatre to get further experience in the props department but was told in the interview by the interviewer, "that no company would waste their time with someone this close to retirement age".......this from an interviewer much older than my 42 years! When I reported them for agism, I was curtly told that I'd "misheard" and that was it.
I get hundreds of job rejections every month so I'm very used to them and not many bother me anymore but these stick out as being memorable and perplexing. I've been looking for a job since 2013 now and still can't believe I'm still unemployed. Each month, I have my CV re-evaluated to check to see if I'm doing anything wrong. I suppose this is tragic, isn't it.
Everything feels like a scheme to make some form of income but everything I try to set up has a way of keeping me just barely above the surface so that I'm able to use my benefits to pay rent but literally nothing else.
It seems hilarious that I've run out of subscription emails to send out at the time that I'd like to share my new online shop which if I made any sales, could help me pay some bills. Thank goodness for meetup and the occasional teaching I do as the little cash that I get is helping me fund groceries so I'm not likely to starve anytime soon which is a bonus. The only downside and yet another irony is that when I report this to the jobcentre in two weeks, they'll deduct what I've earned from my benefits and I'll be poorer than when I began. Do I laugh here perhaps?
My shoes are falling apart and leak when it rains. My clothes are becoming threadbare but I have this idiotic artistic talent that doesn't do anything for me. When I try to sell my artwork or prints of my artwork, no one buys it. But yet I need to keep making art because the action of creating something is equal to circulating my blood......maybe I can sell my blood? Or is that going too far?
I'm rich in other ways......I'm making wonderful friends via meetup and at home and I'm full of ideas for more schemes and I'm staying positive which are all free things that I have in abundance so in this sense I'm so wealthy! I am grateful but what did I do in my past life to make this one so difficult? Will I ever have a stable income again?
So I put in this blog post my heart and my thoughts to anyone who wants to read it. I'm not looking for pity or anything really. Just that....this is me.....the owner of this blog....being real. Maybe that's why creating is so magical, because I can dissolve completely into a world that is entirely my own and thank goodness my imagination is free and not deducted from some benefit somewhere.
Today my imagination has been involved in botanical studies in watercolour which has been fun but not as much fun as making miniature rooms. I want to find a Hammershoi painting here in London to study but I don't know how to begin to look. His paintings inspire me so much in my model making. Tomorrow after my meetup to the toy museum, I'm going to work on one of my big miniatures. I'll put pictures up at the top of this post to cheer it up a bit. If I was tiny, like the Borrowers, I'd be able to live in my miniatures.....how wonderful that would be.....though I'd have to invite all my meetup friends there so they'd have to shrink too. Would be a fun meetup in a miniature room!
Thank you for reading this unusual "reality check" bonus post! I wonder if it will shock anyone? Or maybe someone will relate to it?
What a relief it is to paint for eight hours after six full days of meetup events. I love socialising and enjoy meetup very much especially having become an organiser of my own events and as a member of other fun organisers events but wow a day in studio just for myself is like a deep breath on a clear day!
I attempted to ignore all communications and now I've stopped painting, I've discovered roughly 47 notifications and messages from my meetup members all asking various questions most of which can be resolved by reading event details but oh well, I'm glad to have so many eager members!
In my current studio work, I've been attempting to refine my painting skills especially in decorative botanical painting because I believe it could help me find work if I perfected my skills. So my plan is to try to push myself to paint at least six hours every day which hopefully will give me a sharper eye for colour, detail and composition. I've never been a fan of landscape painting but I've evolved as a painter from what I was in my twenties to how I am now in my forties so I think this is the natural progression of my craft. I definitely feel I have a ways to go before I'm even remotely acceptable as a decorative painter so lots of practice is key.
Another project I've begun this last week has been the introduction of an online shop here on my website which uses dropshipping via Printful as a source of merchandise which my artwork is printed on. So far my attempts to share this with my friends on social media has resulted in lots of friends "liking" but not buying anything which is infuriating! I've bought a bag for myself so I can potentially help promote myself by carrying it around so fingers crossed!
Back to painting.....next up is a butterfly then after I've done this dutiful colour study, I thought it would be a good reward to do a few hours model making as its been ages.
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Stay tuned later in the week for an artist blog post about John Singer Sargent and my recent talk about him in the Tate Britain museum last week as well as next Monday for another Material Monday blog post which is just an update of my studio day.
To visit my shop please click here.
Thank you for reading my blog and please like and comment. I never get any likes or comments apart from my own so I'm at the moment convinced no one reads my posts aside from wayward internet travellers. Interaction would be greatly appreciated!
I've managed to overwhelm myself with 6 busy days in a row and haven't had time in studio so this is for anyone visiting my website early Monday morning to let you know to check back later on today after I've had time in studio and something to show for it!
I have many many projects all on the go at the same time and all very exciting and stimulating but all every exhausting and I'm wishing there were either more hours in the day or days in the week so I could accomplish them all!
So for all you morning people, enjoy my Anglo Saxon detail of an ink drawing above and check back later this evening for a proper Material Monday post!
It's been a challenge trying to find time to get in studio this last week with such a full schedule but I took Sunday off to do something creative because I was really craving it. Using the little broken pieces of clay pipes I found on a recent visit with the Culture Seekers to the Thames foreshore, I've experimented by drawing some of my own designs and a few Anglo-Saxon designs on them. It's my hope to reconstruct all the pieces into full length pipes that probably will have a quirky flare to them.
To follow the progress of this project do follow my instagram account for updates: @toothpickmuse
In other studio news, I'm working on a series of hyperrealistic paintings of fruit and veg slices, partially to sharpen my own skills as well as have a bit of fun and because I need a challenge so to follow along with my progress on these please follow my illustration account on instagram for regular updates: @mirmarnia
In completely different news about my blog, I'm adapting my artist interviews posts to be an extension of talks I'm offering with my meetup group, London Art Museum Creatives so if you would like to attend these talks then please join my meetup group here in London or follow this blog and stay tuned to the Artist Talks: An Artist's Perspective posted monthly.
And yet even more different news, I'm back to job searching as I would love to get out of poverty at some point in my life! The talks and classes I'm offering through my meetup are a great idea but would be so much more wonderful if more than 2 people signed up as I currently don't make enough to even buy food on a weekly basis. So in reality, it's fun organising meetup and making new friends, but wow that fee they charge is diabolical when buying basic groceries is a challenge! After five years of being unemployed and trying everything I can think of to earn money and still not making it, I feel like I'm scraping the bottom of the barrel for new ideas. And I'll tell you, finding motivation to keep creating in studio is a huge challenge, especially when everything I make never sells no matter what I do.
I suppose this is just not a good time to be an artist. I'd give anything to have a job and regular income. So if someone out there reads these words, lives in London and knows somewhere that's hiring for an art related person like me then get in touch! I'm learning that it's not how many applications you put in that will net a good job, but who you know who will speak up for you.....and no one I know seems to have any connections so it's like I've got one foot nailed to the floor and I'm going around and around and around and never moving forward.
Meanwhile last week I met the enthusiastic and inspiring granddaughter of Eva Schloss and then later on Eva herself which was so incredible and gave me such a boost of inspiration that I've been cheerful in everything I do. What an amazing family and how lucky I am to have met both Eva and her granddaughter whom I hope to collaborate with very soon! So now maybe this inspiration will fuel my job searching and bring me more success and hope. It's all about perspective, isn't it?
I just have to learn what positive things come from being unemployed for five years.....
Lovely Sarah Coghill - photo provided by her daughter, Catherine Mun-Gavin
My mum drawing in the sand
Last Sunday it was Mother's Day in America which is where my mum lives so though I live in another country, I wanted to share with everyone how much of an influence she is in my life, especially as she was one of the reasons I also became an artist. I really wish I lived closer so we could see each other more often. My family is split across two countries and it's quite challenging and lonely to be so far apart from those I love. So I offer this blog post as a virtual hug to my mum for what I'm calling Happy Mother's Week!
When I was growing up, I had two very inspiring creative women in my early explorations in the arts and those two women were my wonderful mother, Juliette McCullough and her dear friend, Sarah Coghill, both figurative oil painters. I was accustomed to being the subject of many of my mothers paintings and drawings and watching her mix colours and paint in her studio. I remember sitting and listening in fascination to the conversations between my mother and her friend Sarah when we would visit and it was in those early years that I knew I would also be an artist.
From being a silent witness in both my mother's studio and Sarah's studio, I came to understand the set up of the palette and techniques and peculiarities of each artist. I grew up loving the rich aroma of linseed oil and the course scratchiness of palette knives across treated glass palettes. I learned to stretch a canvas by the age of two, was encouraged to discuss my opinions on art in a curatorial setting in exhibitions and studios and had thumbed through epic art book collections by the age of ten. No art school could do what my mother and Sarah did for me and I'm so aware how precious this upbringing was.
My mother's paintings are gritty and full of the deep souls of our human existence - they thrum with their own heartbeat and I regard many of her works that she did during my childhood as equal as family members. They are well loved and intense and part of the fabric of the imagery that shaped me. Now her paintings are full of sinews and living textures that make her work come to life under the veil of paint. There are not words to accurately describe what I want to say about my mother's paintings, except that they are paintings that need to be shared because their message is something we need to have in our eyes because it shows us our own humanity which is so important.
Sarah's paintings were like memories captured in a single moment, imbued with a colour intensity that poured into me as a synesthete and in colour spoke a language unwritten in words that for me was lyrical and poetic and full of the wind and sun and smell of the grass. Sarah seemed to channel the earth we stood on when she painted, it was rich and intense and echoed with family and friendships like a woven tapestry. I miss her dearly.
My mother sculpts with oil paint. She is able to dig deep and pull to the surface of the painting, beings that we encounter in our subconscious to which my mother has somehow found the key to all that roots us to who we are in this existence and it awes me daily. She fuels my own artistic journey, especially in my own teaching because of course when I was young, my mother was my teacher. I did go to art school but it was my mother who taught me colour theory and how to actually "see" colour. It is now her teaching methods that I employ in my own teaching to my students. There is something really magical about learning to actually "see" and understand how to draw and paint that makes every blank paper or canvas a treat.
So as far as mothers go, I have been incredibly fortunate! I'm genuinely grateful of the regular conversations I have with my mother, Juliette, on all things art related which keeps me firmly footed on this earth as the artist I am because of the journey she set me on over forty years ago.
So Happy Mother's Week to my mum, Juliette and to Sarah too - the biggest impacts in my life as an artist.
One of Sarah's paintings - provided by her daughter, Catherine Mun-Gavin
I feel like I'm a participant in her painting.....it's like I'm buffeted by the wind, and can feel the sun and smell the air. It's glorious and I want to inhale deep to capture it all!
I've been creating miniature tide pools inside oyster shells which has been fun, smelly and time consuming! Two examples here from my project of clear resin filled oyster shells with blue ink and iridescent pearl, silver and gold paint.
I began by submerging the shells in distilled white vinegar which was quite an interesting science experiment and made the entire flat smell like smelly feet......an unexpected eye watering treat!
I used a lot of sandpaper as well as a metal engraver to get down to the original pearly surface of the shells. I'm thinking that the next oyster shells I work on should be glow in the dark and painted in patterns.....so I'm looking forward to collecting more oyster shells!
I've got a selection of old broken clay pipes also from the same Thames foreshore visit previously mentioned in last weeks post, in which I'm now planning to draw with black ink. Apparently there's another artist out there who makes them into jewelry which is interesting but not really my thing. So illustrating them and then sculpting with them seems to be the next course of events.
What do you think of my two oyster shells shared here?
As mentioned in previous posts, my blog schedule is changing as I'm trying to accommodate a career adjustment back into freelance mode so these #MaterialMondays will be a weekly event and cover whatever I'm currently working on in my studio while I'll still interview other artists but only on a monthly basis as well as I'll be writing about the latest art exhibitions I've been to every other Thursday of the month.
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In studio lately, I've been fixated on dragon eggs and have begun to create my own little miniature scene of multicoloured dragon eggs in what I hope will be a phosphorescent den that I'm going to insert into a miniature I've been working on for the last few years. These eggs are made from assorted Fimo clay and are entirely of my imagination.
See below a detail of part of the miniature I've been building. I don't think the eggs will go in that space but perhaps in a dark exterior somewhere.
Meanwhile, aside from making miniatures, I've been drawing in the Victoria & Albert Museum and it's been a bit of a struggle this last week as my interest in model making has taken over. This week too, I received a rejection email from the Royal Drawing School who have for whatever reason decided that my drawing abilities are not good enough for their graduate programme.
(I should point out that I'm not unfamiliar with rejections because I receive hundreds a month from either job applications or art opportunities, but enough is enough. I wanted a boost out of poverty and struggle and the Royal Drawing School would have offered the boost I needed but never mind.....moving on)
So this last week, I've decided to ditch my five year long pointless job search and return to being a freelance artist instead which just means no days off, lots of work and hopefully more income than the last time I tried to live like this! Previously, I worked as a freelance artist from the late 1990's to 2014 but having struggled with the instability of the work, I broke away to try to find a steady job because I was longing for financial stability but apparently that isn't going to happen so it's back to freelance. Joy. I'm hopeful that this time around, it's easier because I'm that much wiser! (insert sarcasm here!)
Being a freelance artist feels like I'm walking a plank over sharks or something and each time I take a step, I've got to build the plank ahead of me in order to survive as an artist. Here's hoping I don't fall in!
So I've been actively involved in attending meetup groups and even organising my own events all of course related in some way to my own art practice. I've also given myself a challenge for the Cast Courts at the Victoria & Albert Museum as I feel like my drawing ability has been knocked down a notch from that rejection so I'm going to revamp my technique and try to crank out some well worked drawings while just focusing on the sculptures by Michelangelo.
Below, an image taken the other day in the Cast Courts. I've got to now work on compositions that are interesting and not typical so that I can push myself in drawing.
And lastly below this an image of some of the items discovered along the Thames foreshore when I joined an event lead by the London Cultureseekers, a group on Meetup. It was an interesting day listening to what the archaeologist had to say and show, as well as discovering for myself all the fascinating finds along the shoreline and then conversing with other members about previous discoveries they've made. As suggested by the London Cultureseekers organiser Robert, I'm trying to find ways to make these finds into some sort of art project so I'll hopefully update with this project in the coming weeks.
This blog title, River Monsters, referring to my ridiculous fear of deep dark water and the only monsters spotted during this event were in my imagination, thankfully!
I must say, it was absolutely fascinating and I'll definitely do it again, with hopefully a more knowledgeable eye and less jumpiness to the churning dark river!
If you're keen to follow me and my ongoing art projects then please stay tuned each Monday at 9am UK time for more #MaterialMondays.
If you simply cannot wait till next Monday then quickly step over to my 4 instagram accounts where I update my art projects daily:
To check out my meetup group then please go to: London Art Museum Creatives
If you're interested in archaeology and other cultural events in London then check out my friend, Robert's meetup group: London Cultureseekers
Above: Scribbles from a sketchbook relating to a previous sculpture I built and then destroyed. It served its purpose and was fun but is no more!
I've been enjoying exploring the many ways to create using Polymer Clay and as you can see from the above photo, I created a little bowl.
I'm enjoying the many many ways in which to make canes with all variety of patterns and colours and the delight when you slice through the cane to see what kind of pattern has been created! I'm not following any specific pattern but am just playing with ideas for now.
I have many things to perfect and still make quite a lot of mistakes some of which have lead to accidental beauty such as this bowl! I'm using it as a ring dish for my jewelry which is now helping to organise my bedside table!
I'd like to explore unconventional experiments and make little pieces of furniture for containing the multiple ingredients for my miniatures and will update my instagram accounts as much as possible with these discoveries so do follow my four instagram profiles for more if you'd like to follow this process:
@Mirmarnia, @Toothpickmuse, @Draco_Ganymede, and @11MillionHands
*To follow Material posts stay tuned every Monday 9am UK time for more.
My name is Franceska McCullough and I'm the owner and artist of Toothpickmoon. Here I will share my studio practice in all it's forms.
*Disclosure: The links I'm using on this blog will only ever relate to the products I myself use in my own practice.